I have Resting Bitch Face-- Leave Me Alone About It!

Resting Bitch Face.  We've all heard of it.  Many of us have lovingly been diagnosed with... RBF.  I have suffered with RBF for most of my life.  The above graphic was the first "Bitchface Meme" I was ever gifted.  It was the first time that anyone had ever put a name on my affliction.  My friend, Garrett, casually mentioned that he never originally talked to me because I always looked super mean.  I had no idea what he was talking about... and he sent me that picture.  My whole life, I have suffered from being completely unapproachable... because of my face.

No... I'm really not scowling.  This just so happens to be my face.  Smiling feels (and looks) really unnatural.  It has taken many years to actually master the fake smile.  I thank my photographer mother for forcing me to learn.  When I was 7 years old is where I seem to have finally mastered the fake smile, but it only works for a few seconds.  People used to laugh at me for smiling for a picture and then immediately dropping back into a "scowl."

My RBF got me in A LOT of trouble during parental arguments as a youngster.  So what gives?  Why do some of us just chronically look like Wednesday Adams?  Like seriously... I practice smiling in the mirror and I feel like Dandy Mott during his American Psycho monologue scenes.

THIS IS A PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE HAPPY FACE!

Finn Wittrock really is included in those of us greats who suffer from RBF, so I suppose we are in good soap opera hottie company.  So what can be done about it?  The short answer?  Absolutely nothing.  If you smile, you will look like a psychopath.  If you don't... you will look like you hate everything.  This is life.  However, there ARE some things that can be done to lessen the blow.  There are certain behaviors that look fine on the normies, but make us look even meaner when we are really just minding our own business.  

I guess I am giving a shout out to everyone else with RBF because I'm really sick of being called out about it.  Like, yes, I get it.  This is my face and it isn't going anywhere, sorry if it looks mean to you.  It's infuriating for how my actual face looks to be a constant conversation, but you know... It hasn't left me uneducated.

Here are a few things I have learned about my RBF:

1. Don't wear headphones when you're walking around, at work/school, etc.  You will officially look like the harbinger of Bad News.

2. Try to be aware of what the fuck your face is doing.  You may not be able to do much about it, but if you're aware of your expression, it might help you fabricate a less menacing one.

3. A Genuine smile does not look like a grimace-- you scrunch up at the eyes and your cheeks move.  If you're going to look pained, you're better off just accepting the scowl.

4. If your expression feels fake, it looks fake.

5. Laugh a lot and be expressive about your feelings-- if someone says something cool, let them know.  Your face won't show it, but people can overlook that if you express yourself articulately.

6. Accept it.  You're not getting away from it, so you might as well learn to laugh about it.

7. RBF can be used to your advantage!  Strangers talking to you on the subway?  No way!  Hell, just the sight of you makes children retreat, with only the bold ones telling you that you look mean.  Fuck it, maybe I AM mean.

8.  We are among great company-- most of the greats have RBF!  We've touched upon All My Children / American Horror Story's soap opera hottie.  But we also have people like... Michelle Obama, The Queen of England, Tyra Banks... you get the picture.

9. People will always take you more seriously with RBF.  Does this mean that your biting sarcasm will often be taken the wrong way?  Yes.  But it also means you will do better in not only poker, but corporate America.  RBF makes you look like you mean business-- people automatically assume you are a power player.

10. Your cat gets you.  No seriously, look at your cat's mean little face.  It understands your plight.

11.  You'll get better service pretty much anywhere you go because no one wants to unleash that perceived wrath under your surface.

12. No wrinkles.

13. People follow your orders (because of that perceived wrath).  You make a good leader because you look serious and people will follow you like a bunch of ducklings because your serious face simply MUST mean you know what's going on.

14. People will bullshit you less than others.  You look like you already have their number, so lot of times they don't bother to lie.

15. Consider yourself "statuesque."  You look mysterious and complex.  I don't know if that's a good thing, but people are for some reason attracted to "negative" facial expressions.  I think it comes down to the instinct to please.  Eyes will be drawn to your face in a group.

So yes.  We may look like we hate everything, but we also get things done.  But mainly, I wrote this to say, I understand RBF.  I acknowledge this plight of us divas.  We are a community of fabulous greats.  Use your RBF to your advantage.