A Beginner's Bare Bones Guide to Anal Sex

                This is a question that I get quite often.  I will admit that I don’t understand the fascination with anal sex, nor do I understand what is so difficult with it.  Personally, I enjoy it on occasion.  But it baffles me how entirely clueless men and women are about anal sex.  So, I present to you, a beginner’s guide to anal sex.

                The first thing that is necessary is talking about it.  You cannot just be having sex and all of a sudden go for the gold.  You need to have a conversation and get on the same page so everyone is comfortable.  If you’re not mature enough to discuss anal sex with your partner, then you probably shouldn’t be having it in the first place.  It is nothing like vaginal sex and both parties need to be on the same page with the experience.  Otherwise, someone is a douchebag.

                Next, you need to be able to prep.  This isn’t something that just happens; you don’t just go for it and jam your dick up her ass.  No way.  Fuck her a few times first, she should be nice and wet and have already had an orgasm a few times.  Then you need lube, lots and lots of lube.  I am a gusher, and my pussy doesn’t get me slicked up enough to comfortably have anal.  So basically, make sure your girl is very satisfied before you move on to taking her ass.  You need water based lube, preferably the plain stuff because, let’s face it, no one needs warming lube in their ass.  The plain stuff is almost always best for this (or anything).  Warm it up so you aren’t slicking her up with ice cold lube.  Then use a toy or your fingers to get her ready and stretch her out a bit.  If you are too grossed out to do that, then you shouldn’t be sticking your DICK up her ass.  Fingers first or you get nothing.

                You NEED a condom.  Not just for her, but for you.  Anal sex is great and all, but there is another more common use of that hole and it isn’t particularly sexy to think about.  Use a lubricated condom to keep you both clean of STDs and shit… ha ha, pun.

                Positioning is important.  Doggie style is not best for this and neither is missionary.  I am 5 feet tall and my boyfriend is over 6 feet tall, so the best way we have found is for him to stand alongside the bed and for me to be on my hands and knees on the bed.  You should keep your legs spread wide for this, to minimize resistance.  Another good position is to have one foot on the ground and one knee up on the bed with your ass up.

                The most important part of execution is going slow.  Do NOT just slam it in there.  Now, I love porn, but I fucking blame porn for guys thinking you can pound away at a girl’s asshole like you can her pussy.  It is not the same thing and unless you can assure me that you have a 4 inch dick that’s only 2 fingers wide, you better listen up.  Go.  Slow.  It is less of a thrusting motion and more of a kneading motion.  If your partner says “stop” then you need to stop.  Nice and slow and once you’re in, give her a minute to relax and adjust.  Relaxation is key here, if you are relaxed, your muscles are not so tense.  Once she is ready, you can start moving slowly and steadily.  Work her clit white you’re at it and don’t act like a wild animal.

                The aftermath is kind of weird.  She’s going to need to go to the bathroom and let your cum… come out of her.  Give your girl like 10 minutes in the bathroom to herself so she can clean up.  Then you should both take a shower or at least wash your bits.  She’s not going to be able to trust a fart for a few hours at minimum (sorry that’s gross, but it’s true).

                This has been a beginner’s guide to Anal Sex by Dr. Skinny!